New Beginnings

My last blog post was in January and already so much in my life has changed! To begin, I have some very exciting news!

I'm a homeowner!!!

That's right. I bought a house! All by myself!

Honestly, I have never felt more empowered, independent, and proud of the woman I am. This is a huge accomplishment for me, and I am so incredibly happy!

I closed on May 23rd, so it's been a little over a month. I currently still have no furniture (lol) but I have ordered couches, and they should (hopefully) be here soon!

I am honestly so incredibly thankful that I have a career that has allowed me to buy my own house at 23 years old. I haven't taken any pictures of my house quite yet since it still have no furniture, and I have held off on decorating until my furniture arrives. So, as soon as I get it a little more organized and furnished, I will be posting photos.

I have more exciting news!
The most amazing man has come into my life, and I am so, so excited and thankful!

In my last post, I felt very bittersweet towards being single. I loved it. I valued it. I cherished it. I loved my independence, but I felt so lonely. I was ready to meet someone. I was ready to move on from my past relationship-- from someone who did not value me or cherish me. I wanted commitment. I wanted something real. I wanted someone who wanted what I wanted. I wanted someone who has a career and values their career. I wanted someone who sees life in the same perspective I do. I wanted someone who was ready for love. Who was ready to find that partner in life. I wanted the real deal.

After a couple months, I decided I was okay with being alone. I was satisfied with being single. I was content living my life the way I was. I was happy with my life with my cat. I accepted my independence. I accepted being alone. I accepted that maybe finding love wasn't something that was meant for me. I finally stopped looking for someone. I stopped looking for a relationship. I was finally happy with me.

And that's when Zach came into my life.

It was unexpected. I was unprepared. I was unamused. I was unavailable emotionally. But he was there. He was patient. He waited for me to be emotionally available after I turned him down more than once. He wasn't pushy. He was persistent, but he was kind in his persistency.

See, before I met Zach, I knew what I deserved. I knew I deserved someone great. I knew I deserved the best. I knew I deserved someone who values me, cherishes me, and sees everything I see in myself and more. But he exceeds this. He exceeds all of this. He exceeds all expectations I had thought up in a man. I am so thankful and happy that he never gave up on me, especially after I turned him down more than once. I'm thankful that he never gave up on our potential. I don't know what I did to deserve someone as incredible as him. But I am so thankful for him.

As disgustingly sappy as this is, I am so happy. I know we are in that beginning honeymoon phase. I get it. But I see life in a new way now. I see love in a new way now. I never thought I was capable of feeling these emotions again. But I am. He has completely restored my faith in love. I'm no longer skeptical of love.

Call it the honeymoon phase. Call it lust. Call it infatuation. Call it crazy. Call it whatever you want. But this is what life is supposed to be about. This is how we are supposed to feel. And I am so happy.

Phases

It's been quite a while since I have blogged, mainly because I rarely use my laptop, and I have been working a ridiculous amount of hours at work. Since my last blog post, I have started my RN position which is the most incredibly overwhelming, hectic, crazy, enlightening, amazing, eye opening, sad, depressing, stressful, and humbling job I have ever done. It's truly amazing working as a nurse. People will truly never know what a nursing career is like unless they have one. I question myself constantly. I question my sanity. I question my career choice. I question my critical thinking. I question my decision making. I question my tone. I question if I'm doing my best. I question if I'm making a difference. 

At the end of the day, it's my residents I care about most. I'm willing to hold my full bladder to treat a skin tear. I'm willing to skip eating to be attentive to someone who needs me in that moment. This job is absolutely nothing like nursing school. It's not even close to clinicals. School, clinical, NCLEX... nothing can prepare a new nurse the challenges she/he faces when she/he starts the new job. 
I hope I'm not coming off as complaining as some people have mention to me prior to this blog. I often times struggle with handling my stress, and talking about it is very therapeutic for me. The point of this blog wasn't to vent about my job. My intent of this blog is to be raw for a moment and try to decipher who to explain my feelings. 

I have been officially single for three and a half years. Of course, I've had some flings here and there, and I do stay in touch with my ex. I'll probably always love my ex, but that's another blog post for another time which will probably never be written to be honest. Anyway, I go through these phases which I will try my best to explain. I'm sure I am not the only single woman who goes through them, but honestly right now, I have no friends who can relate to this. These phases I go through: 

Sometimes, I feel very independent, empowered, even, to be single. I am on my own. I do not need any man to depend on. I provide for myself. I have my career. I buy my own things. I spoil myself. I treat myself. I do not need a man for that. It feels so incredibly powerful to turn down a man who asks me for my number. I have that power to say no, and I say it! NO. No, I do not want to give you my number. No, I do not want to go on a date with you. No, I do not need to tell you why I do not want to. No, I do not want to "catch up" with a man I had a previous fling with. And, NO, I do not feel sorry or guilty for saying no and turning any one down. It feels good to have control of my life, my future, and my dating life. I come home from work to my cat, and that's okay. I stay home on a Saturday night and watch movies with my cat, and that's okay. 

This leads me to my other phase. I come home from work to my cat, and I feel lonely. I stay home on a Saturday night and watch movies with my cat and feel lonely. Sometimes, I wish I had a human companion to come home to. I wish I had someone to rub my fatigued neck as I tell them about my night at work. Sometimes, I want to be spoiled by a man. I want to hear compliments. I want someone to treat me rather than me always treating myself. I want to love and be loved. I miss that. I want that. Sometimes, I feel so down about being so alone. 

I know I am still young. Twenty three years old is young. I get it. However, it doesn't help logging into Facebook and seeing another person I went to high school with get engaged. Or announce they are expecting a baby. Or buying a house with their partner. Don't get me wrong, I am so happy for those people. They are at a different place in their life than I am. Sometimes, it is just hard to process and accept. 

I'm positive there is someone out there for me. He'll stumble into my life when the time is right. Maybe I have already met him. Maybe I have already loved him. Or maybe not. My intent of this blog post wasn't to complain. My intent was to figure out my emotions. Maybe there are other women and men in the world who are experiencing the same thing I am. There are times that I get jealous of the women who have always had a man to provide for them, or to build a life with, whom have never lived on their own. But there are other times that I feel so sorry for those women because they will never know what it's like to independently stand on your own two feet and provide for yourself. 

I don't really know how to bring this blog post to an end. After reading this post, I sound really pessimistic and depressing and kind of pathetic. But, these are my real feelings and honestly, I feel a lot better just typing them out. So, regardless of how this post is perceived, I feel better about myself, and that amounts to something. 

Long Time No Blog

Hello everybody!

--To my 8 whole followers to be exact, whom, I'm assuming, no longer even blog. But, hey, that's okay. 

Five years ago I started this blog thinking that I had a very exciting life. Although my high school teenage life wasn't that exciting, it definitely was easier. Anyway, since it's been about 4 years since I have blogged, I'll catch my 8 follows up on my now, exciting, life. 

After losing my most favorite job to ever exist, I started working as a cashier at Schnucks. I lived the retail dream for about two years, and finally got a CNA job that I put off for some time, mainly because I had no confidence in myself and ability to work such a job. However, it has been the most rewarding and humbling job I could ever experience. Between working those two jobs, Adam and I broke up, but still remain good friends, and I knocked my gen ed classes out of the way at Rock Valley College. 

I was accepted into nursing school August 2013, and that was when the word stress became much, much more than just a word. Nursing school was the most challenging time of my entire life. I literally wanted to throw my body off a cliff at least 2 times a week (Kidding, I hope people can read sarcasm). I worked very part time at my CNA job and went to school full time. My life consisted of school, clinical, studying, and work for two years. Nursing school aint no joke, y'all. I seriously thought every person who told me nursing school was hell was exaggerating. Well, turns out, they aren't. It's hell. A firey, but rewarding hell. 

I graduated nursing school May 2015. One of the happiest, proudest days of my life. My work hard, full of tears--laughter and sobbing, had finally come to an end (I would insert an image here of my pinning ceremony and graduation, but blogger is being noncompliant, and I am unable to insert any images). 

I scheduled my NCLEX (Nursing state exam) for July 2nd. I was so nervous. I was more than nervous. I was the most nervous I had ever been in my entire life. On July 4th, I found out that I didn't pass my exam. I was crushed. Humiliated. Sad. Mad. Angry. Embarrassed. I felt sorry for myself. I had no one to blame but myself. I rushed through my exam. I didn't take my time. I didn't know the information properly. It came down to so many things. In the end, I did not pass. I hadn't felt that defeated in a long, long time. I was offered an RN position at my job, and I had accepted, but now I had to tell them that I did not pass my exam. I cried so many tears through the months of July and August, I don't even know how I didn't send myself into kidney failure from dehydration. 

I didn't give up, though. I took a week off from anything NCLEX related. After that week off, I continued to study and work hard. I was determined to pass this exam. It killed me that one exam was getting in the way of starting my dream of becoming a nurse. This exam didn't define me or the type of nurse I will be. I wasn't the first to not pass this exam, and I won't be the last. 

I retook my exam on November 4th. I'm not going to go into detail about it; however, it was the most mentally exhausting thing I have ever experienced. The next day, I found out that I had passed! 

Words cannot describe that moment. I was mainly in denial, so I had to take a picture of it. All of my hard work has finally paid off. I am so incredibly happy and thankful that I never have to study or answer another NCLEX question ever again. 

SO YEAH. That has been my life, in a nutshell, for about four years. Not that I need to remind myself of what has happened, although, it is nice to see all that I have accomplished and conquered over the past four years. 

I am a completely different person now. I am stronger. I am smarter. I am quicker. And I'm not as broke. Haha. 

As lame as this is, it was nice to blog again. Not that I did much before, but it was nice to see how far I've come. And how far I will go. 

"She never failed because she never gave up."

A Piece Gone Missing

I miss you so, so much.

That is all.

Just a Quickie

Hello!

I haven't posted anything on here since July and here's why:
1. Lost my job at Starbucks because the Kroger Hilander got bought out by Schnucks, so they decided to remove Starbucks. (My life will never be the same).
2. I'm in college now. I'M SUCH A BIG KID. Even though it's community, I'm still busy. I've got straight A's though. (WHUDDUP.)
3. I am now a "checker" not "cashier" for Schnucks Hilander, which will eventually be named Logli. Make sense? I hate my job. Seriously, my life is 39747364 times worse than it was 3ish months ago.
4. I never go on a computer anymore. I am constantly on my phone tweeting, texting, and facebooking it up, but never on a computer. I tried posting a blog from my SMART phone, but my SMART phone is not so SMART, and wouldn't let me.
5. I'm lazy.

So, there you have it. My life sucks.

I'm totally being dramatic, but is anybody really surprised?

So, since they removed my cute, little Starbucks, I am FORCED to drive ten minutes rather than the two it would have taken me before, to the nearest Starbucks and PAY for my drinks. I have to actually PAY for my drinks now... with MONEY. I am so crushed.

How did this happen to me? To ME?! I finally get a job at a place I have always wanted to work, and now I'm working as a CASHIER checker for Schnucks.


(Dramatic pause)


My life sucks.

Why didn't I make this a vlog? This would have been so much fun. I just love being dramatic. Oh well, next time, eh?

Well, I was going to post Halloween pictures, but I realized they're only on my phone, and it's past midnight... and I'm just too lazy to do that right now.

But, if you are SO interested in stalking my life, you can always follow me on Twitter. (Okay, I just want more followers)

www.Twitter.com/RachShott

Really, the word "texting" isn't in spellcheck? Come on, Spellcheck. It's 2011 here.

Life Goes On

It's currently two in the morning right now, and I'm just beginning a new blog post.

I feel like each and everyday, my life gets more stressful. I'm starting to feel more and more like an adult, and while most of the time it can be great to feel so responsible, other times, I just want to stop the entire world and take a breath. This summer is just flying by, and I feel like all I have done is work. The money is always nice, and extremely helpful, but I just want time for myself, my friends, and family. The older I get, the busier I become, and to be honest, it's scary.

I start college in a little over a month. While I'm staying here, most of my friends are moving away. I know we all have out own lives to live, but it's just so hard watching people go. For the last four years, these are the people I've become so close to and have spent everyday with. Now, I will most likely never see them or hear from them anymore.

I knew four years ago that this time would come, but I never expected it to be this emotional for me. I know that I will begin new friendships and move on with my life, but for now I'm living each day separately.

I'm so thankful for all of the memories I've made with everyone. I had a great high school experience, and I'm positive college will be even better.

It's moments like these that I take a step back and realize how blessed I am to have so many great people in my life. And even though everything seems so stressful and difficult right now, I know it will get better.

Farewell

Today was my last day of high school. I wasn't really emotional at all to my surprise. However, when I got to work and started making a Mocha Coconut frappiccino sample, then I started tearing up like a baby. I don't know why a drink would make me want to cry, but apparently it did. I guess it just finally hit me: I'm moving on with my life. My life isn't just beginning though. I'm not "finally in the real world". I've been in this world for almost 19 years. I've been in school, I've been fired, been criticized, experienced someone close to me dying, taken college courses. Who says I'm just going into the world? I'm not. I'm exploring it more, now that I have the chance, and growing as a person.

I've realized that I have grown so much as person since January. I feel like an adult now. I'm treated like an adult. I'm happy with my life and where it's going.

I haven't blogged in a while since I've been so busy with school and work. However, now I'm on summer vacation, so I only have work to worry about which is nice for a change.

So, that's my life right now.

Also, prom is tomorrow. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeoo! I'm so excited that I might just cry. Haha.